January 24, 2010

I woke up at two o’clock this morning to a raucous party downstairs, and the mental realization that the rising pop starlet Ke$ha is the same Kesha Sebert I went to middle school with. She told me I stunk one day in English class. At that time in my life I was an emotional tinderbox, so I said “fuck you” then put my head on my desk and cried. (I’ve had many, many worse days since, but then it seemed like the worst day of my life, of course.)

Now, more than a decade later, I see her transformed into an actual MTV nympho like Katy Perry or Lady Gaga, on primetime commercials singing her worldwide No. 1 single “Tik Tok” which she co-wrote with Dr. Luke and Benny Blanco.

How should I feel about this? Ignoring the suspicion that I’ve died and gone to the outer layers of hell, I can’t help but laugh. She is making such an ass of herself.

There’s a possibility that someone reading this might actually be a friend of hers. Do you remember the talent show at Woodland? She sang “Karma Police.” I played this waltz on the piano (which later became “Ztlaw” at Austin Peay—it’s on myspace, man).

I’m not saying she isn’t talented. And to her credit, she apologized for saying I smelled like shit that day. I never held a grudge against her. I also never thought she’d be selling her sex, her voice buzzing through dance clubs all over the world, videos of her picking through trash on YouTube. It’s surreal.

Another thing that’s surreal is this spring-like storm in January:

January has April showers, and two and two always makes a five.

What a crazy storm! That’s three, count ’em three low-pressure centers! Just look at the isobars! The spiky blue testicle of winter descends upon the Great Plains! (Just one.) This is the same wave that dumped rain on California a few days ago, and spawned that “tornado” in Sunset Beach, Orange County. It was really cute.


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