look at the bud(s)!

March 22, 2010

I’m watching Donnie Darko, Director’s Cut and mulling over the last few days. It finally hit me three o’clock Saturday morning. I wept, laughed, asked why, and got no clear answer. Nine hours before the equinox, I had an awakening.

That day I drove to Franklin, that night I took some medicine, and Sunday I delivered in the rain. Asleep again.

It’s a leap of faith, I guess, to believe he never intended in his heart to harm anyone. Everyone that knows him better than I do seems to think so.

How much did he know in advance? In his last seconds, could he see the effect he would create in the lives of the people around him, who loved him? Did he sacrifice himself for us? For anything?

When I wrote on Thursday that “he had all kinds of ideas in his head that he wasn’t sure what to do with,” I’m not so sure I was right. I barely knew the guy. Perhaps he and his friend had a mission.

What they left behind is less of a message and more of a mystery.

The answer is showing itself in bits and pieces. I’ll never really know.

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